Randerings: Crankiness Is Not A Gift to Be Shared

I. hate. being. cranky.

I hate it even more when I KNOW that I am being cranky but just can't get out of the 'cranky zone'.

You know... those days when nothing goes right,

when everyone is. just. an-noy-ing., when it's raining on your parade,

when the dog just ate your homework (or your shopping list, or that report for work, or that birthday card you finally remembered to buy).

That day when you are COMPLETELY out of chocolate!!! - and your whole disposition

can be summed up by this:

Oh yeah...that girl knows what I'm talking about.

What is it that can take a perfectly normal (*snicker* - define 'normal') human being and turn them into a raging force of snippy-ness and ill-will. Ugh.

OK - 'raging force' may have been over-exaggerating just a bit but I am sure you get the picture.

We all have days like that (oh, yes, you do...do NOT try and deny it.)

Here's the kicker, though: It is one thing to wake up one morning in a slightly contrary mood. You woke up with it - it is your mood. You must deal with it and take responsibility for it. Who knows what you may have eaten the night before to cause it, but nonetheless, it is yours. You own it, you fight with it for awhile but then you get over it.

However, it is a whole other thing, to wake up in a pleasant 'oh-so-happy-to-be-alive' mood and then have someone ruin it for you. You usually don't know what's happening until its too late. The culprit could be your 7 year old son, your boss, your husband (no, never), the guy on the other end of the phone...

Or the clerk at the grocery store. It usually goes something like this:

You naively may ask, "How are you today?"

"Fine." the clerk replies, ice dripping from her voice.

"It's sunny out today."

"Hate the sun. Makes me squint."

"That's a great deal on apples. Have you tried them?"

"Despise apples. Give me hives."

"Oh, ok. Um, would you put my bananas in a different bag?"

(Removes bananas from bag with canned goods and puts them in bag with raw hamburger.)

"Um, would you put the bananas in the bag with the bread?"

(Removes bananas from bag with raw hamburger, puts them in bag with bread. Puts bag with bread and bananas in cart. Drops bag with canned goods on top of bag with bread/bananas.)

"You're total is $15.63," the clerk growls.

"You didn't take off my coupons."

"You didn't buy these items - your coupons are no good."

"I did buy these items. The coupon says 'good for any box of Super Orange Extra Cheesy Mac & Noodles.'"

"Don't care. Picture on the coupon is of a blue box. You got the red boxes."

"But the coupon says..."

"Don't care. Pay up."

You hand her your cash. She emits a loud *sigh*

"What?"

"Your total is only $15.63. You're paying with a $50. You trying to ruin my day or something?"

"What?!?"

"I've got to count out ALL that change. And then if my drawer is off, I get in trouble. More considerate people would carry, like, some $10's or $20's or something."

*sighs* from everyone, including the two people in line behind you.

(You take back the $50, put it back in your food envelope, dig through your 'gas' and 'entertainment' envelopes and count out exactly $15.63 and hand it to the clerk.)

"Oh, now you're being a wise-guy. Don't you think I'm smart enough to count out a little change. Geesh..."

"Listen here..."

"Here's your receipt. Next!"

You stomp out to the parking lot and throw the groceries, bruised bananas and all, into the back of the van. You slam the van door and crash the cart into the cart rack. You are talking to yourself and trying not to say words you haven't said since you were a wayward college student.

Uff-da. Good day totally down the drain.

The clerk has just very ungraciously shared her crankiness with you.

In fact, she flung it at you like a bucket full of liquid crab cakes

and you caught it without spilling a drop. Way. To. Go.

You have caught someone else's crankiness - like it was a bad cold or something. As in,

"I've got the flu." or

"I've got a cold." or

"I've got the cranks."

The cranks can happen anywhere and just about anytime. You can be perfectly content and then, out of nowhere, you find yourself grumbling "Nuts, I KNEW I should have washed my hands after I walked by that lady yelling at her husband. Now I am getting a headache and can already feel my mouth turning into a permanent frown. By the time the kids get home from school I know I'm going to be seriously cranky. Oh, I hope they don't get it. I wonder if guzzling a double mocha-choco latte and eating a piece of triple layer cheesecake will make it go away?"

The 'cranks' are horribly contagious and although there are several recommended remedies, I would like to suggest my own solution to the problem.

Call it my "New Year's resolution".

Well, let's not be over-dramatic. How about just "a really good idea."

Next time someone tries to spread some crankiness, I think I am going to respond with this:

"Ma'am, I am sorry that you are cranky. But crankiness is not a gift to be shared. I don't care how you wrap it - I don't want it. I don't care if you put it on my doorstep, ring the bell and run. I will bring it back. It is yours, please keep it. And here's a warning: if you try and share your crankiness with someone, it will come back. And when it comes back, it will be bigger and better than it was before. Do you want that? Do you? ...no, I didn't think so. Have a nice day."

Well, what do you think? Hmmm...me either.

Oh, well, back to my sweet friend in the picture at the beginning of the post.

If you were wondering what she was really thinking, I am sure it was something like this: